The Long Boring Life of an Insecure Scorpio
Drake is a cultural phenomena. To call him a pop sensation would massive understatement. The Toronto native has been a staple of the country’s media landscape since his days on Degrassi. Which is ironic. Drake’s music throughout his ostentatious career, that his music itself, has been like Degrassi. It had some fantastic episodes, but did it really need to go on that long? And did it really need to have this kind of cyclical drama-queen content, every season? And, most importantly, was it actually ever that good?
If you are offended by my Degrassi slander, I apologize. But much like re-discovering old ‘90s and ‘00s shows, this album makes me question not only my old taste, but my old morals. Was Drake ever good? Yes. Did he deserved the elite status the world gave him? Probably not. In my opinion, Drake has 3 solid albums, albums that actually have replay value; Take Care, Nothing was the Same, and If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late a personal favorite. These albums are debatable classics. The sadboi R&B blended with Bling-era braggadocio was enthralling, and universally appealing. These 5 years of music were genuine, heartfelt, albeit occasionally self-pitiful. Drake’s meme status was welcomed by both him, and his fans.
But then Views happened. A horrendously long and motion-sickness inducing album. The most do-nothing instrumentals soundtrack almost 90 minutes of Drake sucking his own dick, and nice-guying women. After this trainwreck camethe faux B-side record More Life, a “playlist” in celebration of cultural appropriation and stellar marketing. This era of Drake is when he fell from my rotation. I actually found More Life to be tolerable; it was the last time Drake’s trendy sounds seemed to fit the man. Laid-back, occasionally awkward, but none-the-less a “vibe”. These projects solidified my opinions that Drake is too big for his own good, and too willingly to jump onto trends.
Drake’s unending relevance is what produced Scorpion. Specifically, the fear of it ending. In 2018, that fear was higher than ever. Pusha-T exposed his intimate scandals, and turn him into a laughing-at-you meme. His first true embarrassment. Drake’s insecurities are a major thematic element of his music, but this time, he had no control over the portrayal of them. Scorpion is a desperate attempt to regain it.
Drake can produce some amazing hits. His albums aren’t conceptual, they tend to follow the same formula: great production, simple easy-to-understand flow, and a confused blend of tough and soft. Scorpion follow this formula as well. He has added “let’s make this long album af to get our streams up” into the equation. This double-disc format is cheap justification for 90 minutes of fluff. I don’t think length is inherently bad. My favorite rap album of 2017, 4eva is a Mighty Long Time was a double disc. However, each disc had a different sound, a different theme, a different concept, a different something. Scorpion side A is the alleged rap disc, and side B the alleged R&B disc. Alleged because there is so much sonic overlap between the discs.
The formula does occasionally produce a fucking jam. “Nice For What”, a 2018 radio addiction, has amazing sampled vocals, energetic snares, and a great break-down outro, all courtesy of Murda Beatz. I would say Drake’s ability to attract hot, quality producers is one of his strengths. Scorpion features production from 40 of course, but also legends boi-1da, No I.D, DJ Premier and the rising, loud Tay Keith. The production carries this album. Drake’s ability to maintain an above-average flow, carries this album’s radio appeal (see God’s Plan, Survival, Mob Ties, In My Feelings). Speaking of rap legends, Jay-Z makes an appearance on “Talk Up”, with a frozen, critical line about XXXtentacion and George Zimmerman. On “Sandra’s Rose” one of the more soulful cuts, Drake provides another “i-❤-mom” song, that isn’t horrifically corny, while providing lyrical diamonds in a very rough project.
Stans can stop reading now. This album, like Drake’s 2018, is awkward and uncertain. Every cliche “Drake-the type-of-” bar appears on this bloated, Naruto-level filler album. Scorpion is Drake being laughably egotistical, (“my mount more is just me with 4 different expressions/Who’s givin’ out this much return on investment?”), laughably unfunny (“I get 2 million a pop and that’s standard for me/Like I went blind dog, you gotta hand it to me.”), and subtlety creepy. Drake has always been incredibly patronizing and classist in his lyrical rhetoric concerning women. It’s “nice-guy” rap. A lot of his songs objectify women, but it’s hip-hop. I can stomach a lot worse, and have. The irritating aspect of when Drake does it, is undeserved fellatio he gives himself for it. People praise him for feeling bad about his sexism. Also the line “High school pics, you was even bad then” is well. Up to your interpretation.
This is the majority of Drake’s content. But Scorpion is his sound stripped of all his original appeal, and that was charisma. Forget the ghostwriting allegations, I personally believe it’s not a big deal; people write for other people, as long as the writer is compensated, it doesn’t completely cheapen the artist. Drake’s delivery and confidence in his previous albums allowed his masculine insecurities to translate into interesting songs. “Marvin’s Room” is one that comes to mind, despite the incel-vibes aging badly. He sold himself effectively, surrounded himself with great talent, and that’s all he has to do to maintain relevance. His celebrity status has snowballed to Kardashian proportions; Drake will be fine by simply being Drake. He has literally nothing to lose. But he is acting like it. He is letting standard Hollywood drama dictate his musical decisions; the last thing his music needs. On the final track of this HOUR AND A HALF album, Drake drops the mic with “March 14”, a track were he address the hidden child allegations. He admits his son exists, but vaguely tiptoes around the more scandalous details. This attitude of emotional vagueness applies to every song on Scorpion. On disc 1, it is at most, generic trap background music. On side B, when he sincerely tries to be emotional, what he reveals is severe awkwardness. I think his intention with “March 14”, was to create a cute, father-son connection, for when his son is older. If that’s the intention, cool. Doesn’t make up for what you put me through Drake.
If one’s brain wasn’t anesthetized into amnesia by the 45 minute-mark, one might remember this line on “Emotionless”: “I wasn’t hiding my kid from the world/ I was hiding the world from my kid”. If Drake’s literal child could not inspire him to cut the emotional vagueness, the grating lyrical bullshit, nothing will.
As a whole album, Scorpion is so pointless, made worse by how commercial and forgettable the musical experience is perceived. Every 30 seconds, I ask Drake “so what”. What was the point of pulling a poorly-mixed Michael Jackson verse from the depths of Motown? Publicity and sales. What was the point of having 6 promotional singles? Publicity and sales. What was the point of literally taking over Spotify across all genres? To go platinum in a day. What is the point of anything Drake says in this album? I don’t know. I’ll never know. I doubt anyone truly relates to this bourgy lifestyle, and as a person, Drake is at best, occasionally interesting, and worse annoyingly dull. . I thank 40 for giving me some great singles for my playlists. I wish him the best with his health issues. But I am almost personally offended at Drake’s apparent disinterest in making entertaining music, while being the biggest name in entertainment.
Side A: 5 out of 10
Side B: 3 out of 10
